EPISODE 110 | FANTASY FALLACY

Title: Fantasy Fallacy –– Trading Today’s Happiness For Tomorrow’s
Subtitle: What is the fantasy fallacy and how can it affect us on our fertility journey and after we become parents?

Description: We fall victim to the arrival fallacy when we forbid ourselves to feel happy until we accomplish that *one* thing, but oftentimes, even when the goal is achieved, we still have trouble feeling complete. In this podcast, we discuss the prevalence of fantasy fallacy in our society and methods that can help us find happiness in our present.

Takeaways

[4:47] When working toward our goals becomes sacrificial, harsh, and restricting, our achievements no longer feel rewarding.
[7:12] Something or someone external to you should not be responsible for filling that “void” inside of you.

[12:35] Many highly successful people suffer from the arrival fallacy after achieving their dreams.
[14:20] Everything you need to fulfill you is already inside yourself. Learn to be internally resourceful and not depend on anything externally.

[15:03] Arrival fallacy is the repackaging of validation. When people set goals for themselves and achieve them, they can be left with a void. When they don’t achieve their goals, they can blame their unhappiness on their failures.
[17:16] Steps to overcoming arrival/fantasy fallacy:

EPISODE 105 | DECISION FATIGUE & TIPS TO PREVENT IT

Decision fatigue describes how our decision-making gets worse as we make additional choices and our cognitive abilities get worn out. Decision fatigue is the reason we feel overwhelmed when we have too many choices to make, especially in the absence of resources. The phenomena of decision fatigue can affect even the most rational and intelligent individuals, as everyone can become mentally exhausted. The more decisions made throughout the day, the harder each decision becomes for us. Eventually, the brain looks for shortcuts to circumvent decision fatigue, leading to poor decision-making. While this is typically a business concept it is rampant in the fertility & parenting world because of the sheer number and weight of each decision we are asked to make on a daily basis.

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BONUS CONTENT | INTRODUCING MOTHERHOOD SESSIONS from Gimlet with Dr. Alexandra Sacks

Confronting Your Parents After Motherhood

If you have listened to the show with any repetition you have probably heard me talk about how motherhood can drastically change your sense of self and that for some we struggle with this mandatory transition of moving from a maiden archetype into a mother type as we seek to conceive and build a family.

It’s a complex topic, but one that is so important because it’s real.

It’s necessary and it’s going to happen whether you like it or not as you step into motherhood.

It happened to me and I didn’t even birth my kids. I jumped straight into the deep end with four stepsons and was totally unprepared for how it would change me as a person. It changed the way I viewed my parents, my childhood and the world at large. And while it was such a good thing because an immense amount of growth came out of it, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a little jarring and uncomfortable at times. This is part of why this show sticks it’s toe into the pond of what to expect with pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, not just infertility.  I want you to be as prepared as possible and to be able to find answers and support you need when the time comes. 

I’m also a huge proponent of lifting up other women business owners and podcasts. Today I want to introduce you to a new podcast from Gimlet Media I think you will love that addresses this the concept of the archetypal shifts that happen as you become a parent and it’s called Motherhood Sessions. On Motherhood Sessions, the host who we haven’t had on Fertile Minds YET, psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks, works with women who are struggling with the massive life and identity shifts that accompany motherhood. In this extended trailer, you’ll hear from Julia, a Korean-American woman who’s grappling with some identity issues after being raised by a white family and not having much connection to her Asian culture until she had her first biological child.

Keep listening to hear a special trailer of Motherhood Sessions, which follows this message. Note that Motherhood Sessions covers sensitive topics and includes some profanity so pop in your earbuds when you are out in public listening or around little ears. We hope this honest, compelling conversation resonates with you, and if you love what you hear, you can listen to Motherhood Sessions on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts. Fertile Minds will be back with a regular full length episode on Sunday!

P.S. If you or someone you know is experiencing depression or anxiety during pregnancy, or in the postpartum period, contact Postpartum Support International at (800) 944-4773. If you or a family member are worried about safety, get help right away by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or dialing 911. 

EPISODE 33 | MINDFUL PARENTING IN A MESSY WORLD w/ Michelle Gale

Mindful Parenting in a Messy World with Michelle Gale

Description: Today we are joined by Michelle Gale, bestselling author, speaker, strategic advisor and mother/member of her lovely Family Council. Michelle and I talk about mindfulness as the number one secret to parenting with a clear head and open heart. She shares the intention and inspiration behind her book, Mindful Parenting in a Messy World,her own transformation from anxiety and fear to acceptance and empowerment, how new parents may find time to weave mindfulness and meditation into their jam-packed schedule, and how she herself practices mindfulness in her own family.

To share your own fertility story, please email me at hillary@ladypotions.com. I look forward to connecting with you, as you are what this podcast is all about.

 

Takeaway:

[:42] The Free 29 Day Fertility Challenge is just around the corner, starting August 26! Each day you will get an email from me reminding you to log in and check out the new meditation. Each meditation will guide you through your chakras, helping you to free stuck emotions, release limiting beliefs and to tone your physical body, reading it for conception.

[1:45] Meditation is truly the secret weapon when it comes to parenting with a clear head and open heart. Many parents become so busy that they forget the very practice that is there to help them stay grounded, peaceful and sane during the time right after childbirth when they would need it most.

[2:17] Our guest today is Michelle Gale. Michelle was previously the head of Learning and Leadership Development at Twitter, has a bestselling book titled Mindful Parenting in a Messy World: Living with Presence and Parenting with Purpose, and a podcast, Mindful Parenting in a Messy World. In addition to her board work with Holistic Life Foundation, she is currently a strategic advisor to the Mindful Schools and the Wisdom 2.0 Conference.

[5:45] Michelle makes it a priority for herself to weave mindfulness in throughout the day. She shares the different ways we can practice it, whether it’s taking a moment to make eye contact a few seconds longer with our children, meditating in the morning or evening, or using a meditation app for even 5 minutes a day. You can check out Michelle’s 7 Day Series on the app Simple Habit.

[8:53] In knowing ourselves, we create the conditions for peace in ourselves and our communities. If we want a generation that is awake, we need to awaken ourselves first.

[11:08] Michelle revealed in her book that so much of her anxiety as a parent came from a fear of screwing up. She reached a turning point when she realized she wanted to focus on the magic that was her actual kids, instead of the story about them and about how things should be, that she was seeing through a “should” filter.

[14:44] Moments where we overreact and make mistakes as parents become an opportunity for growth, and serve as a teaching moment for ourselves and our children on the importance of handling stress and taking care of ourselves.

[20:02] Michelle shares the experience of enlisting her son Tyler as her teacher to help notice patterns of reactivity and then remind her to breathe.

[24:14] I read an amazing excerpt from Michelle’s book on her take on teenage behavior, unmet needs, and the evolutionary response to separate in adulthood.

[28:25] Meditation may be the formal practice, and mindfulness can be done everywhere at any time.

[31:18] Michelle teaches Mindful Listening to her family and recommends starting out a Family Council in small bits at a time, so everyone practices getting a chance to both listen and speak. Her own Council has evolved over time and is something that has helped strengthen the family and make each member feel seen and heard.

[35:26] Michelle’s first Online Summit has a star-studded, wonderful cast of people talking about all aspects of parenting. For more information, join her online community.

 

References:

Fertile Minds on LibSyn

Fertile Minds on iTunes

Mindful Parenting in a Messy World: Living with Presence and Parenting with Purpose, by Michelle Gale

Mindful Parenting in a Messy World

Simple Habit 7 Day Series

The Way of Council, by Jack Zimmerman in collaboration with Virginia Coyle

Happily Family 

Michelle Gale

Mindfulness in America 

 

Continue Your Journey:

Link to sign up for free 29-day meditation challenge

@ladypotions4u on Twitter

@ladypotions4u on Instagram

My Website: Ladypotions.com

Disclaimer * 

You must not rely on the information in this podcast as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about any medical matter you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you think you may be suffering from any medical condition you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this website or in this podcast.