Title: Fantasy Fallacy –– Trading Today’s Happiness For Tomorrow’s
Subtitle: What is the fantasy fallacy and how can it affect us on our fertility journey and after we become parents?
Description: We fall victim to the arrival fallacy when we forbid ourselves to feel happy until we accomplish that *one* thing, but oftentimes, even when the goal is achieved, we still have trouble feeling complete. In this podcast, we discuss the prevalence of fantasy fallacy in our society and methods that can help us find happiness in our present.
Takeaways
[4:47] When working toward our goals becomes sacrificial, harsh, and restricting, our achievements no longer feel rewarding.
[7:12] Something or someone external to you should not be responsible for filling that “void” inside of you.
[12:35] Many highly successful people suffer from the arrival fallacy after achieving their dreams.
[14:20] Everything you need to fulfill you is already inside yourself. Learn to be internally resourceful and not depend on anything externally.
[15:03] Arrival fallacy is the repackaging of validation. When people set goals for themselves and achieve them, they can be left with a void. When they don’t achieve their goals, they can blame their unhappiness on their failures.
[17:16] Steps to overcoming arrival/fantasy fallacy:
Notice when you are thinking “I’ll be happy when...”
Practice mindfulness and meditation to build self compassion.
Practice non-attachment to the outcome and focus on making the present moment
pleasurable.
Celebrate your wins – especially the small ones.
Be realistic about your goals. Redefine what success in your fertility journey feels like
for you, outside of falling pregnant.
Concentrate on your relationship to yourself and others.
References:
New York Times. You Accomplished Something Great. So Now What?.
Crego A, Yela JR, Gómez-Martínez MÁ, et al. Relationships between Mindfulness, Purpose in Life, Happiness, Anxiety, and Depression: Testing a Mediation Model in a Sample of Women. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2021;18(3):925. doi:10.3390/ijerph18030925
Campos D, Cebolla A, Quero S, et al. Meditation and happiness: Mindfulness and self-compassion may mediate the meditation–happiness relationship. Personality and Individual Differences. 2016;93:80-85. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2015.08.040
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